Byron Ellington | The Doily Allergen

I Didn’t Watch the Debate. Here’s What You Need to Know.

Last week, the first presidential debate between Vice President Kamala Harris and former President Donald Trump rocked the nation....

My Therapist Told Me to Be Less Funny, So I Joined The Doily Allergen

Hey, everyone. My name’s Carl, aka Rizz-Man to my friends, which I have, and I’m a new writer here at The Dilly Elephant . Sorry, what is...

All Work, No Play: Billions to Go Into Labor, Never Give Birth

Expect gentrification this Labor Day NEW YORK – The United Nations headquarters has been sent into a panic, for an American holiday has...

Doily Allergen Tired of Nature, Returns to Smog

… … … Uh… hi. I know last time we spoke I was all, “We’re going back to our natural habitats, never to be seen in Iowa City again,” but,...

Finally Going Home: The Doily Allergen Permanently Returns to Nature

Ah, the summer: it descends upon us, as always, like a vulture to the leftovers. Finals season is coming to a close, and thousands upon...

Dear Doily: What’s the Deal with Gum Control?

Dear Doily, What’s the deal with gum control? It’s one of those hot-button issues that’s consumed our news cycles for years at this...

Mayflower Roman Ruins De-Excavated

Back in September, we announced that the demolition of Mayflower Residence Hall, which the University of Iowa had intended to sell by the...

College Kids Can’t Get Enough of This Hot New Trend: Shattering the Fucking Windows

America, we need to talk. Our kids are out of control. Our teens are vaping in the classroom. Our babies are addicted to iPads. And our...

Ten Minute Play Festival Snubbed at Emmys

The Emmy Nominations completely snubbed the UI Ten Minute Play Festival!!!

Exchange Student Still Dressed for Summer

I’m sure we’re all grateful for how much Iowa City has been warming up since the first week of the semester, but don’t forget, it’s still...

Opinion: Snow

You’ve all heard about it. It’s everywhere in the news lately. In fact, I’d go so far as to call it one of America’s most polarizing...

The Doily Allergen Is Brought to You by Sauce: The Original Liquid™

Hey everybody, treasurer of the Doily Allergen here (no, seriously, this article was written by our treasurer). Lately, our veritably...

AMPTP Hires Pinkerton for Post-Strike Cleanup

As of 12:01 AM Pacific Time on November 9th, 2023, the Screen Actors Guild – American Federation of Television and Radio Actors...

Do You Have Teeth? Call Your Doctor Immediately

Have you ever heard of teeth? Most haven’t. They’re a strange and rare symptom, a growth sometimes found along the gums, which can...

British Journalism Student Rejected by Doily Allergen, Regretfully Works for Daily Iowan Instead

This is a dark day for America. Wilfur Crumpleston IV, British exchange student, son of famed Sunday Times reporter Alaska Terfina...

Dear Doily: You’ve Gone Woke

Dear Doily, I’ve recently noticed that as of late, it seems like some of your articles have been leaning a bit woke. Don’t get me wrong,...

How to Enjoy Coco Without Committing Cultural Appropriation

(Written by an actual Mexican-American from Texas.) As Halloween comes to a close, many Mexicans of both the Mexican and American...

Opinion: Halloween Should Be on Tuesday Every Year

Halloween is upon us, and that means the culmination of the entire spooky season — a time for parties, trick-or-treating, and going out...

What to Expect from the FNAF Movie (From a Non–FNAF Fan)

“Oh, boy, a 5 Nights At Fredies’ movie! I cannot wait, for this is the greatest occurrence I have ever lived to witness, and I shall...

The Doily Safety Guide for Halloween 2023

Halloween is nearly upon us, Iowa City! With ten days left until the big night, it’s important to start thinking about how to stay safe...