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Satire No Longer Possible: Doily Allergen Gives Up
If you’re like us, you may have noticed that the world is getting more and more ridiculous with each passing day. Even renowned—if...


Catlett Dining Hall Music Decided by Confused Goldfish
Have you ever sat at the dining hall and thought midway through your meal, “why on earth are they playing this music?” Recent rumors...


Whoopsies! Funding Pulled from Tippie: Someone’s Getting Fired…
The One Place They Didn’t Want to Do That Over the last few months, different departments all across the University have been losing...


Barbara Wilson Throws Public Tantrum After Grad Students Refuse to Work for Free
Cuts to the University’s budget are being felt by everyone across campus, including President Barbara Wilson. Now, with the potentially...


Sign Guy Gets Resurrected
He will come in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his sign will have no end For those of you tuned into all things annoyingly...


Street Hawk Food Truck Hijacked for Cross-Country Road Trip
Documentary Coming Soon Four days ago, students all across campus were horrified to learn that the beloved Street Hawk Food Truck had...


Barbara Wilson Hands Out Autographed Headshots for Employee Appreciation Week
Student’s wages will be garnished as compensation


Front Row Yapper Holds Lecture Hall 25 Hours Over Class Time
Last week, one brave – or possibly stupid – freshman had the horrifying audacity to hold a Foundations of the English Major lecture hall,...


How About The University of Iowa ACTUALLY Listens to Real Women?
The University of Iowa Needs to Protect Its Endangered Students Instead of Its Neo-Nazi Students It seems Iowa YAF, the University of...


Board of Regents Guts College of Sorcerous Arts and Sciences
Job Security Bears Ill Omens Following federal orders to disband DEI (Divination, Enchantment, and Incantation) initiatives, the Board of...


Student On Tenth Consecutive Week of Midterms
Midterms are never kind, but there is a small, elite faction of students whose midterms have been annoyingly spread out this semester....


Local Four-Eyes Regrets Vote for Anti-Four-Eyes Party
“I never thought they would take away my glasses!” President Donald Trump shocked the nation in 2020 when he joined the controversial...


Diva Spotted!: Oliver Weilein
As we know, we’re living through some unprecedented times. First DOGE cuts off Men’s Sports for being “inefficient,” the identity focused...


Five American Colonists Shot Dead in Boston
Our Herky Counted Among the Fallen Most troubling news arrived by pigeon flight this morning. We regret to inform the Iowa Territory that...


Compromise Reached! New Terms Added to DEI: Cisgender, Heterosexual, White, Christian, Male
Equal opportunity over equity! Diversity saved!!!!! Only days after the University of Iowa announced that they would be moving their...


Helicopter Flies Into Hillcrest for the Third Time This Week
Yes, it is Monday Ever since the university has decided to comply with the executive order to eliminate any DEI from their budget,...


University of Iowa Moves DEI LLCs to Guantanamo Bay
Rumors have begun to spread across campus about the closure of our living-learning communities committee, with claims being made that...


Student Spotlight: Kid Trapped in Lockdown Browser
Straight Out of Black Mirror…and Into Respondus As the endless cycle of midterms has begun once again, students all across campus have...


DOGE Budget Cuts Include All Iowa Men’s Sports
Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency has ordered the University of Iowa—a state-funded institution—to cut tens of millions of...


Student Spotlight: The Kid In Your Lecture With The Black Plague
They’re not even masking! The cold weather has brought another bout of mysterious illnesses to Iowa City. It seems like everyone these...
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