Affirmations For the Year of the Horse

Saddle Up! The Year of the Horse is in full throttle. With February being the bleakest month of the year, it is easy to slow down in pace. You might ask, Why does the second new moon after the winter solstice have to happen during this dreary time? We could not let you burn out during this special Year of the Fire Horse, so here are some affirmations for everypony to pick up their hooves.

I AM still old enough to receive red envelopes and lucky money.

Rent needs to be paid somehow. Unfortunately, your younger cousins are actual toddlers so there is no visual impairment for your prehistoric war veteran grandfather handing out that $100. Money will come, just not while you’re visiting family members who are convinced you’re a fully functioning adult.

The head will NOT fart in my face while I’m the ass during the lion dance.

The head in front is in charge of leading the lion costume, while you have to shake the lion’s ass. Even though the head gets all the glory, the ass is just as important. Time to hold your breath and start jiggling it for an authentic, thrilling performance.

I will NOT be compared to my situationship’s horse girl ex.

Girl, LEAVE. The Year of the Horse is about freeing yourself from things that keep you stuck and unchanged. So what if the only horse you’ve ever ridden is a lame hobby horse? Around here, you run strange and wild. You are journeying through a desert on a horse with no name, and there ain’t no one to give you no pain.

I will NOT end up like Bojack Horseman.

Realistically, you are Diane Nguyen. Aspirationally, you are season six Todd Chavez. Think about all the horses in the pop culture zeitgeist that you can channel: The Greek mythological Trojan Horse, Spirit, the eponymous Secretariat or Gold Ship. You are not limited to one self-loathing, morally questionable, humanoid horse.

I WILL shed all the bad vibes of the Year of The Snake and its residual venom WILL NOT bite me in the ass.

Yeouch! There will always be haunts of the previous lunisolar cycle. What matters now is how you handle it. Best of luck as we tie up loose ends and suck the poison out of our butts.

I will NOT trip and subsequently biff it during my cultural dance performance.

You will gallop into the Year of the Fire Horse with energy and intense passion. You will dance freely and with ease in front of everyone and will not waver.

I AM proud that I was born in the Year of the Rooster and I am definitely NOT jealous of people with cooler animals.

Each zodiac sign is unique and interesting on its own; it’s not just about the size or looks of the animal! Horses are pretty epic, though. And dragons. Even monkeys! Punch the Monkey is really having his moment. If only you were born the year before…

I will NOT wake up with a Charley Horse tomorrow and start the week in pain.

In your state of panic, you will miraculously stretch your leg in the perfect position to make it go away. You thank your ancestors for blessing you with great health. It’s time to start burning more incense!

Horses are social herd animals, so make sure to call your family and loved ones to get into the spirit of the Lunar New Year. Surround yourself with what brings you joy and remember that only YOU have the reins to your life. Charge ahead on your equestrian quest with the confidence from believing and trusting yourself.

Good Luck,
The Doily Allergen