Affirmations For Your Walk Down T. Anne Cleary
T. Anne Cleary walkway is the easiest way to access nearly half the buildings on the east side and the scariest fucking place ever. The skateboarder eating shit between all of your classes, the mob of business students marching at you, and a general lack of spatial awareness are just some of the things that make T. Anne Cleary just so so special!
Maybe you’re not someone with social anxiety—and you suck for that—just try and picture this:
All 31,563 students at the University of Iowa; all walking on T. Anne Cleary at the exact same time as you. It’s a big campus, but as soon as you set foot on that damned walkway, everyone you know is marching right at you. Your outfit is hideous. You smell. Get self-conscious about something really specific. Now you’re ready.
I will NOT slip and eat shit on T. Anne Cleary walkway.
This one is a classic. We find this is most applicable this time of year, due to all that pesky snow and ice!
I will NOT fall on my butt.
Falling on your butt in front of the entire campus might sound like a nightmare, and it is! T. Anne Cleary provides the perfect location.
I will NOT get hit by an electric scooter.
We’ve all had a near-death experience with a scooter, right? Sure, it’s snowy, icy, and awful scootering conditions, but that hasn’t slowed local scooter fanatics down one bit! They weave through students and faculty members without a care in the world. Man, we sure hope they learn.
I will NOT trip myself and subsequently biff it on T. Anne Cleary.
Can you imagine tripping on your shoe and absolutely biffing it?? Fully tripping on nothing?? Not an obstacle in sight?? We can’t either. If it were to happen, say, as you lock eyes with the most beautiful man you have ever seen, well you really can’t recover from that.
That was NOT my ex-situationship.
It’s okay to lie to yourself sometimes.
Those Frat brothers will NOT accost me.
Unfortunately, in the time it took you to affirm this, they already spotted you. Can you do a push-up? Do you want to donate to the CFFTS (Crayon Fund for Tippie Students)?
Those YAF members will NOT ragebait me.
Well they can certainly try, but maybe if you say it loud enough you can drown them out! Just keep on walking, you got this.
T. Anne Cleary will NOT stop you from getting a big ol’ bowl of that Burge stew.
Just what you need after a long, wintry, treacherous walk: big pot of communal stew. Heart eyes emoji.
As the fall semester comes to an end, we here at The Doily Allergen just want you to succeed, kid. You got this, and we believe in you. These affirmations might not fix your life, but they might stop you from #biffingit. Peace, love, and harmony.
Sincerely,
The Doily Allergen