All Barbara’s Are University Presidents Through the Transitive Property

Small sample size does not matter. Why do you ask?

We were conducting research on the history of Barbara Wilson and her whippet habits when our DEI hire, Matthew Matherson, brought an interesting theory to our attention. He proposes that through the transitive property, all Barbaras are university presidents.

Now, to explain to all the normal (not LAME) people what the transitive property is, the basic theory, as explained by Matthew, is that if A=B and B=C, then C=A. A difficult concept, we know, but bear with us.

Matthew theorizes that if Barbara Wilson is a president, and President Barbie ran the country, and there is a trans Barbie, then all Barbara’s must be university presidents. This theory can be further backed up by the Pythagorean Theorem, which connects the ends of the triangle together through triangle magic.

Matthew assures us this is definitely how these theories work and did not have to be restrained, kicking and screaming, in order for us to write, edit, and publish this piece.