All Cultural Centers Set to Be Replaced by One Multicultural Center: Stuit Hall
Featuring an Exclusive Interview with Dewey Stuit: His Thoughts on the Big Change
This Monday morning, UIowa President Barbara Wilson released a statement announcing the demolition of all cultural centers, effective immediately. The abolishment of the cultural houses will allow for the redistribution of funds for projects that will “benefit all University of Iowa students.”
The Afro-American Cultural Center, the Pride Alliance Center, the Latino Native American Cultural Center, and the Asian Pacific American Cultural Center will all be designated to a new location: Stuit Hall. In Barbara Wilson’s statement, she and other key administrators reasoned that “those POCs ain’t that different anyway,” and that, “it don’t matter.”
We were able to summon the ghost of Dewey Stuit using a $9 Ouija Board from Walmart and spirit summoning incense obtained from a nearby garage sale. At three a.m., Dewey fiddled with the planchette, accepting our request for an interview. He was able to answer a few questions for us regarding Stuit Hall’s big change:
The Doily Allergen: Do you welcome the influx of people of color in your domain, Dewey?
Dewey Stuit: Sure, I welcome them, but I fear that the university has made a big mistake. Cultural centers exist to combat the loneliness and lack of community that one may feel due to UIowa being a predominantly white institution. People go to the cultural centers to immerse themselves with the culture that they are familiar with, and the hodgepodge of cultures that Stuit Hall will become shall certainly only create more unfamiliarity.
DA: Do you believe that extra funding for other projects is worth the inconvenience that the demolition may cause for some students?
DS: No. This is an expansion on the abolishment of the LLCs that once supported Black, Latina/o/x, and LGBTQ+ students. Barbara has gone back on her word that “diversity is still important.” She has revealed her true colors. Having a sense of community is vital to maintaining academic success, and the overall benefit that every student may receive from extra funding will never compare to the enormous loss that select students will unfortunately face.
DA: Do you believe that Iowa truly cares about its diverse students, or do they use them as props to convince incoming students that the university is diverse?
DS: As most of us should know, white students make up approximately 72% to 75% of the UIowa student body. Before this announcement, the four houses were underfunded and undermined, and this was the final nail in the coffin. To answer your question I ask you this: How could a predominantly white and heterosexual community truly care for the students that feel a sense of belonging in the cultural centers?
DA: So, does Iowa care at all then?
DS: It is not that Barbara Wilson and the Iowa administration do not care at all, but they are certainly liable to exploit diverse communities in order to profit and dodge the consequences for saying no to marginalization. Barbara Wilson and friends have shown that they will break in the face of pressure; DEI initiatives and LLCs have been upended. Our diverse groups are disposable because the university as a whole does not identify with these groups, or care about them enough.
DA: Considering that the university has now gotten rid of all other LLCs and cultural centers, what do you make of the new Femcel LLC in Mayflower?
DS: I believe that the Femcel LLC was created in tandem with the idea that all other cultural centers would one day be abolished, and that day has come. The Femcel LLC was created by Barbara Wilson and the UIowa administration to save their reputation. They had to create a new location for Femcel students in order to promote a false sense of diversity and inclusion to those applying to the university who value those factors. This place—this city—is not diverse.
DA: Wow, Dewey, uh, we didn’t know you were woke like that. We appreciate your time. Thank you for allowing us to interview you.
DS: Long Live the Femcel LLC, and I look forward to doing my best to accommodate those who wish to seek comfort in the Stuit Multicultural Center despite the unideal conditions.
After Dewey’s last response the Ouija Board flew across the room and split into a million wooden splinters. The lights flickered and the wind howled inside of Stuit Hall, creating a hallucinatory vortex within. Table cloths swirled around in the air, coffee mugs shattered into pieces, and glass shards crashed down from old, dusty windows as our reporter fought tooth and nail to escape Stuit Hall alive. Luckily, our reporter was able to claw their way out in one piece. Stay tuned for the rest of Stuit Week…