Barb to Run for Mayor of New York City (Next Time)

After careful consideration, our very own Barbara Wilson has decided to downgrade from president to mayor, specifically mayor of New York. She has cited the intense excitement around the election and her love for Zoran Mamdani as her reasoning for leaving the great state of Iowa (not to be confused with the awful Iowa State).

“If I ran against Mamdani, I would get to spend so much time with him up on the debate stage,” Wilson said dreamily. “It’s truly a dream come true.”

After hearing the president say that, we looked around at each other and all had a collective thought: If we ran for mayor of New York, we would get to see that hot hunk of a man and spend hours and hours in an enclosed space with him. Keep an eye on the news for Wilson’s (or our) candidacy announcement in 2029!