BREAKING: Guy Reading on Bus Is a Vibe
IOWA CITY, IA — Around 8:30 this morning, bystanders reported witnessing a male student reading while heading to class on the Cambus Red Route.
The eminently literate academe was seen artfully balancing a classic novel in one hand as he used every available second of temps-en-autobus to inundate his mind with wisdom, except when glancing around as if wondering if his fellow travelers approved.
Speculations vary widely as to which book, specifically, the sage scholar was reading. However, due to how he tried to catch the eye of several female passengers, all agree it must have been a work of great importance for both the English literary canon and the feminist movement. A classic romance, perhaps, like Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, or the in-vogue founding novel of science fiction written by a woman, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. Still others insist it was an Emily Wilson translation of either the Odyssey or the Iliad.
A radical strain in the investigation has also put forth the argument that the generational intellect in question may not have been reading a classical book at all. They claim that the bystanders have merely assumed this due to his manner of dress — universally reported as stylish and learned in a “dark academia” sort of way — and this exemplar of the literati may have instead been reading a modern work of progressive literature of the sort beloved in this town, such as a novel by Lan Samantha Chang, Kurt Vonnegut, Carmen Maria Machado, or Toni Morrison.
No matter what, all eyewitnesses agree: This dude was a vibe. Evidently scholastic, finely dressed, and making full use of public transportation, this polyhistor was a shining specimen of what the modern man should be. So enchanted were the onlookers that the debate over his tome of choice will likely echo the hallowed halls of this university for ages to come, even though he held it up directly in front of his face several times as if to make sure people saw the title.
The sagacious collegian has yet to be identified. If this is you, please reach out for an interview, as we would fall to our knees to glean even the most fragmentary sliver of your abiding perspicacity.