Dear Doily: Help! I Can’t Leave My Dorm Because What If Foxy Is There??

Dear Doily,

I am so fucking scared.

I have been trying to leave my dorm for three hours now. I keep opening my door and listening for audio cues, waiting until the coast is clear to go and use the bathroom, but I swear on my life I can see Foxy peeking out around the corner at the end of the hallway.

For context, I was hanging out with my buddy Mike earlier and he told me he got his hands on a “Fun with Fazbear” edible. Obviously, that sounded awesome, so I took it without a second thought. I am now realizing I forgot to ask him what the fuck a “Fun with Fazbear” edible was and what was even in it. Now I’m freaking the fuck out and I think the Faz-gang is out to get me.

It is currently 3 A.M. and I have to pee so bad. Thankfully, I’ve watched Wendigoon’s four hour long FNAF lore YouTube video, so I know exactly what to do: I just have to make it to 6 A.M. and I’ll be safe. But I’m starting to think I might have to pee in a cup or something because it is so hard checking on each animatronic.

I keep forgetting to turn around and check my bed to get rid of the nightmare Freddles. I don’t have a music box, so I keep resetting the needle on my record player… I hope the Marionette likes Panic! At the Disco’s A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out.

I can hear Mangle crawling around in my ceiling, but that could also be my upstairs neighbor who REALLY likes playing marbles.

My biggest concern is Foxy. I keep trying to check on him in Pirate Cove, but the cove keeps disappearing every time I open my door and look down the hallway!!! So now, Foxy is always on the verge of running down that hallway and banging on my door. I know that if I open the door and catch him, I’m so fucked, because the Freddy mask doesn’t work on him in the second game.

I’ve been staring at a picture of Markiplier this whole time as well to keep me safe. I’ve been looking at that screenshot of him from the “Bite of ‘87” moment for so long that I think I accidentally burned it into my eyes. Everywhere I look, Markiplier is in the upper left-hand corner of my vision.

Please help, Doily. I don’t know if I can make it much longer, and I’m really scared I’m going to have to do this for another five nights. I just wanted to go pee pee, but Foxy is in the hallway and Mangle is in the walls and Markiplier is in my head.

Terrified of getting my frontal lobe ate in Daum,

Crying Child

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Dear Crying Child,

You can find help if you can get past them. You have to be strong. If not, tomorrow is another day.

Yours truly,

The Doily Allergen