Dear Doily: I'm Gonna Beat the Shit out of This Kid in My Class
Dear Doily,
Bring your camera crew and your best reporters because I’m gonna beat the shit out of this kid I hate after class, and you’re invited!
Everyone has one of these kids in their classes; from lecture halls to small discussion groups, there’s always one (almost always men, let’s be honest) know-it-all who just doesn’t shut up.
It’s not the typical dweeb who’s done all the readings and actually pays attention, no, it’s the kid who raises their hand and sighs LOUDLY when called upon. The kid you can hear saying “...wellll, so I would sayyyy…” from the back of the lecture hall.
Long overdue are the days where we made fun of the idiots sitting behind us, muttering stupid shit under their breaths and arguing with the professor over basic slideshow definitions. These assholes think they’re smarter than the tenured professor and I have had it!
I’m tired of hearing this guy sigh loudly to the people around him when he’s rightfully silenced! I’m sick of hearing his lukewarm takes being presented like they’re full of nuance! I’m about to make it so he can’t talk for a week with good old fashioned schoolyard violence.
Maybe this lesson will get through to him and serve as a warning to the rest of his kind.
Pentacrest. 3pm. I am going to enjoy this.
Sincerely,
Kicker of Ass
Dear Kicker of Ass,
We thank you greatly for the invitation to cover your fight. As the only news publication on campus, it was the right thing to do. We know this was a long time coming for that guy. We will get some good pictures so you can hang them on your wall.
Love,
The Doily Allergen