Dear Doily: Why Q-Tip in Ear Feel So Good?
Truly One of the World’s Biggest Mysteries.
Dear Doily,
At time think should clear ear. Wax in it. Put Q-Tip in ear. Feel so good. I twist it round ear. Search for yolk-like stuff. Minutes at time. It turn red. Keep go. Side, up, down, back, front. So good.
Hurt so good, until no feel good. Irk me. Want good feeling longer. No point in life but to dig ear. Bring much joy. Praise God for wax. Lick wax off Q-Tip to praise God. Wax-God.
Thank Wax-God for life, goals, meaning. Stick Q-Tip in roommate ear, eat while they sleep. Is bad or no? Thoughts, Doily?
What think of Q-Tip, how it change life? Would Doily leave school? Doily leave job? Doily leave family? For chance Q-Tip feel good, always?
With Love,
Q-Tip Fan
Dear Q-Tip Fan,
We at the Doily Allergen believe that your seemingly blind and hedonistic approach to life is quite beautiful and moving. To this achievement we applaud. We agree, and most of the population agrees, that the satisfying feeling of swiping that Q-Tip around one’s ear should last longer as a means to add beauty and joy to life. However, we know God is cruel.
As far as eating your roommate’s earwax, we believe that you should ask for consent first, as you are essentially stealing parts of your roommate’s body for pleasure. They may not agree with your usage, so the best course of action is that you stop and ask for their approval. Seriously, it’s creepy.
As far as your philosophical question, we’ve come to the consensus that indulging in eternal pleasure would not be as sweet as going through life with its usual fleeting pleasures and problems, for what is joy without sadness? And how would life honor the artfulness within our humanity without being full of complex emotions? As far as our understanding goes, only one emotion would ever be experienced in your hypothetical scenario, so of course life would be dull and plain. We reject that. Thank you for writing and peace to the Wax-God!
Yours Truly,
Doily Allergen