Duo Push Now Requiring Users Solve Riemann Sum To Log In

In yet another drastic change, Duo Push is now requiring two-factor authentication via Riemann sums. An official statement from the university concerning this implementation states that “it’s simply more secure and is way easier than that three-number-code bullshit.”

Yeah, right.

For the average STEM student, this is trivial. A Riemann sum with infinitely many subdivisions is an integral and the proof is nearly laughable:

Easy as pie! We can do this in our sleep!

However, for the typical business and humanities student, this is a drastic overreach of university policy and another attempt to negate the importance of the arts. How can you possibly expect students to sign in if the method of authentication is beyond their capabilities? What’s an integral anyway? What does f(x*i) mean? What’s that scary E-looking symbol? What’s life all about?

We here at the Doily Allergen strongly condemn this new action and wish the university and public would stop doing favors to STEM students. We’ve suffered enough!

(Note: we are definitely not against this because we don’t know what a Riemann sum is. Totally not. That’s ridiculous!)