FACT: Today Is February 29th

And you can’t prove us wrong!!!

BREAKING NEWS: Today is FACTUALLY the Twenty-ninth Day of the Month of February in the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Twenty-six.

It is LITERALLY a leap year. If you don’t understand why this is breaking news, take a closer look at your calendar.

THIS is the day people born on February 29th finally get to AGE FOUR MORE YEARS. THIS is the day that darn EARTH PIG in PENNSYLVANIA predicted would come (that’s what he does, right?). THIS is the day we all get to LEAP FORWARD and catch up with the seasons we’ve left behind by nearly a day.

We can think of NO MORE REASONS to celebrate today, but that doesn’t mean there AREN’T ANY. There are in fact MANY MORE REASONS to celebrate the leap year. Especially the fact that it has only been TWO YEARS since the last one. That means leap year birthday havers get to AGE FOUR EXTRA YEARS. They will be OLDER THAN ALL OF US by the next leap year.

In fact, the federal government should make today a holiday. NO MORE WORKING ON LEAP DAY. If you’re at work, LEAVE. If you still have a job, QUIT IT. Time is JUMPING FORWARD and NOBODY KNOWS HOW TO DEAL WITH THAT.

PLEASE DON’T GO. WE NEED MORE EYES ON THE LEAP DAY. WE DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY IT IS LEAP DAY. WE DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW IT IS LEAP DAY. WE DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY OR HOW FEBRUARY HAS 29 DAYS THIS YEAR. IT REALLY SHOULDN’T BE HAPPENING LIKE THIS.

PLEASE HELP. PLEASE HELP. PLEASE HELP.

And CELEBRATE the leap day PLEASE!