FACT: We Predict It’s Nice Out Today

Your Only Campus Weather Service

Thanks to our Doily Allergen staff meteorologist, we can predict with 100% accuracy that it is nice out today. While you attend your classes, you can expect clear skin and bright smiles, with a chance for scattered delights. If anything bad happens to you personally today, no it doesn’t. That would be impossible. You can’t be sad. It’s not allowed. It’s not allowed. It’s not allowed. It’s not–

Keep an eye out on the happiness index for potentially toxic levels of positivity.