FACT: You Don’t Know Who Bruce Harreld Is
Harreld in the new semester with knowledge of your ignorance!
You don’t know who Bruce Harreld is. His name has been lost to time, and we only recovered evidence of his existence by accident while looking through dusty tomes in the library for ancient Herky-slaying rituals. So, here’s all we know about our dearly departed 21st president:
Bruce Fact! Bruce doesn’t have a Wikipedia picture! What a loser!
Bruce Fact! Bruce was actually the 2nd 21st president of the University! Preceding him was the ghost of Walter Jessup, who held the position for 17 days in the summer of 2015 after successfully giving the entire Board of Regents a heart attack!
Bruce Fact! Bruce was voted “Most Attractive Former University President” by… uh… someone!
Bruce Fact! Bruce had to put down Herky for biting a child in 2021!
Bruce Fact! Bruce absorbed lethal doses of radiation while working for the United States Atomic Energy Commission! Perhaps the secret to his enduring good looks? Anyways, on occasion, he would go “James mode”, turn green, and start wrecking the entire presidential mansion!
Bruce Fact! Bruce’s real first name is not Bruce! His real first name is James!
James Fact! James did not know what a school was!
James Fact! Barbara Wilson defeated James in ritual combat and annihilated his soul to prevent issues like the Jessup incident from happening again!
James Fact! Calling James “Jim” caused him to go “James mode”!
James Fact! You will not spell “Herald” correctly the first time!* ** ***
*Edit: You will not spell “Herrald” correctly for the first time!
**Edit: You will not spell “Hareld” correctly for the first time!
***Edit: You will not spell his last name!
James Fact! Most people cannot tell James apart from… huh? Nevermind, that’s just two pictures of James, idk why we did that! 2019 Doily’s wiiiiild man haha! Good times, man!
2019 Fact! Bruce never felt the same since! It wasn’t any better or anything! He just developed arthritis!
James Fact! Omggg he’s such a hottie… ahaha… hold on… i’me feeling inspired
James Fact! I’m spread ealge on the bed. Bruce enters. He’s sweaty and big ad hot and did I mention sweaty? Oh my Iowa… his Herky is huge…
Calvin Fact! We took him off the article.