Guy in Your Econ Class: “War Is Great Because the Drones Go Zoom”

And the bombs go kaboom

These days, it seems every little decision the U.S. government makes is criticized relentlessly. Whether they’re taking flak for Epstein files or for starting a new Middle Eastern war just to distract from the Epstein files, it really seems like the Trump administration cannot catch a break anymore.

Thankfully, we found one University of Iowa student willing to take a principled stance in favor of not only the glorious holy war against Iran, but all other wars as well: this guy in your econ class. You know the guy. He’s that one. Maybe there are several of him. Maybe your entire lecture hall is populated by variants of this guy.

Well, we found one of them, one Benjamin “Cassus Belli” Fleshman to talk to about this whole war business. He offered some brilliant insights that we think offer an interesting counterpoint to all the op-eds going around about war being “bad” or something. Below is an excerpt from our interview.

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The Doily Allergen: So, what’s your take on war?

Cassus Belli: It’s great. I love it.

DA: Tell us a little more about that.

CB: Well, for one thing, in war you have drones. And drones—not many people know this—drones go zoom. That’s just so fun, don’t you think? They go super fast.

DA: That’s a fascinating argument. Do you have any further supporting evidence?

CB: Yeah, for sure. So, to get a little deeper into the subject: Bombs are also a big deal in war. We’re, like, always hearing about bombs over there, y’know? Well, the fun thing about bombs is they go kaboom.

DA: Describe the significance of that.

CB: It’s a great sound. Just super fucking awesome. I don’t think anyone will disagree with me on that. And it’s not just kaboom—bombs make other sounds too. They go fizz, whoosh, boom, kapow, bang, kablam, and so on. Now, drones carry bombs, of course, so they ultimately make all these fun sounds too, after going zoom. That’s unbeatable.

DA: Sounds like a solid argument. Are there any final thoughts you’d like to share with our readers in the hopes of swaying some of their viewpoints?

CB: I just want to say that, in times like these, you should think of those who really need our attention, our care, and our resources. Right now, I can think of no group of people who more desperately need our support than the United States military. They’re working so hard to make the world fun again, one zippity-pow at a time.