How the Student Government Shutdown Will Affect You
With the Iowa Board of Regents unable to agree on a spending bill by the deadline of October 1st (citing disputes over football coaching staff and whether or not to allocate $15,000 to a golden plaque commemorating the stain where the piss rock used to be), Undergraduate Student Government has officially shut down.
Here’s a few things that could be affected by the unprecedented shutdown:
Student Org Movie Nights
The university has a Walmart DVD of Shrek Forever After that will be shared amongst all 600 student orgs. The waitlist is currently 16 semesters long.
Club Fairs
The only table at the next club fair will be SOBO, and they will be panhandling.
Parades
The University will pause its renting partnership with the Cedar Rapids Cadillac Club and begin a new one with the Waterloo Ford Focus Club, who will supply all vehicles for next year’s homecoming parade.
Christian Grifters
USG will have to pause its financial support of Burge Sign Guy, Weird Anti-Abortion Dudes, and the People Who Hand Out Little New Testaments. While on furlough, maybe they’ll all get a life.
Nothing
What the fuck does USG do anyway. No, seriously. It’s the clowns at SOBO that make it so difficult to request the $50 we needed to start this new website. I want my fifty bones SOBO. I need chipotle money. Double chicken, side guac. Shit doesn’t pay for itself.