‘Lactose Intolerance’ to be Classified in DSM-6
The New Psych Meta: What You Need to Know.
Armchair diagnosticians rejoice! The DSM-6—expected to be released by at least 2028—promises some pretty exciting changes to the fields of psychology and psychiatry, especially in the shocking classification of lactose intolerance. Here’s what this means for the next update:
Patch Notes
Growing Compatibility with the ICD-11: Global players and astute psychologists in the USAmerican servers may notice that the DSM’s classification system differs heavily from that of the International Classification of Disease. This is not only because the DSM is the United States’ special baby, but because the ICD updates more frequently, covers both physical and mental diseases, and has a global perspective. The American Psychological Association is aware of this difference and seeks to bridge the gap between them, creating a more cohesive diagnostic manual in conversation with the rest of the world. This is reflected in the classification of physical condition ‘lactose intolerance’ as a mental disorder.
Guts Buff: Diagnosticians can no longer focus exclusively on the training of Speed, Stamina, Power, and Wit when it comes to their patients, but must spend a good amount of time focused on their Guts stat. ‘Guts’ now plays a significant factor in the final burst of speed in the last stretch of the race and contributes to the new, enhanced mechanics of Spot Struggles and Dueling. Lactose intolerance is a sign of a weakness in Guts and makes it difficult to partake in the consumption of milk: a common social activity among United States citizens and Victor Frankenstein of Guillermo del Toro’s most recent film.
Psych Major Charm De-Buff: In addition to giving psych majors increased opportunities to attempt to diagnose friends and acquaintances based on undergraduate course readings, the devs have decided to diminish the Charm stat of the psych major diagnostician class to balance the meta. While most psych major players will not notice significant change to their playthroughs, interactions with others have an increased likelihood to result in groans and ghosting. This grows by an additional 2% when a psych major makes use of pop psych terminology and phrases like “dark empathy” and “grippy sock vacation.”
General QOL Improvements: Physical copies of the DSM-6 require less button clicks than their predecessors. They also contain a more legible Table of Contents and an autosave feature with the added purchase of the “Bookmark” DLC. Probably related to lactose intolerance somehow.
It remains to be seen whether the DSM’s updates will be popular among diagnosticians, but The Doily Allergen is hopeful that the changes will at least prevent the lactose intolerant from being annoying about eating ice cream.