Main Library Bone Boxes Made from Remains of Lost Students

As spooky season also returns for the year, you’re bound to hear some silly stories about haunted buildings on campus or students who go missing under mysterious circumstances. But, when you work at the Main Library’s service desk, it’s common knowledge that the library stacks ARE haunted and students are ALWAYS going missing there.

We interviewed one student working at the desk, Ethan, about what it’s like working in the statistically most dangerous building at Iowa.

“I thought I was just signing up for an easy desk job, so I could get paid to catch up on homework or something. But no, they make the newbies clear the corpses from the 4th and 5th floors before you can do the real library work. I actually threw up on my first day, but you get used to the smell. Plus, it really works out your arms dragging bodies around all day, haha.”

When asked why students get lost so often, Ethan instead asked us, “Have you ever even TRIED to get help from the service desk? None of us actually know how to find books. We have little guide sheets to hand out, but it’s all made up.

“It’s really okay if a student gets lost every once in a while though! It’s like when an animal dies and insects and fungi decompose their body. We just salvage their skeletal remains for the bone boxes. We try to be environmentally conscious here at the Main Library by not wasting any part of the student.”

We are very concerned for Ethan.

After interviewing a few anatomy students around the library commons, we have come to the conclusion that they couldn’t care less if the bone boxes were made by some nerds who died, because they REALLY need to pass this exam. Many such cases!

Doily Allergen would like to extend their sorrows and prayers for all the missing students whose bones are now touched daily by STEM students.