Mourners Grieve Piss Rock at the T. Anne Cleary Shit Stain
In a shocking turn of events, this summer we had to bid adieu to the infamous Piss Rock of the T. Anne Cleary walkway. For years, “Ridge and Furrows,” officially nicknamed the “Brain Rock” and unofficially the “Piss Rock,” has haunted one of the main paths through campus.
Mourners gathered this past weekend to commemorate the end of a time-honored tradition. The Doily Allergen interviewed several of them to get a complete idea of the rock’s contribution to campus life.
“They used to bring tour groups here to clog up the street,” one mourner said tearfully, “and told them touching it was for good luck. God, the feeling you’d get seeing a family rub their arms against it after seeing what a good bar crawl did… It was beautiful.”
“Me and the boys used to smash every beer bottle we had against it.” Claims an upperclassmen. “For weeks they’d let that glass sit out in the open… I wonder if anyone cut themselves on it.”
One student going into their eighth consecutive year of undergrad claimed to have seen a pregnancy test in one of the eponymous ridges. A student wearing multiple layers of masks claims to have helped stain the rock once. Many passersby gathered to stare at what remained of their beloved campus relic.
Although promotional T-shirts still depict the Piss Rock in its full glory, the sad truth is there’s now a Piss-Rock-shaped hole in our hearts. What remains on T. Anne Cleary is a strange concrete stain, something that we dearly hope will not fade with time.
The Piss Rock has gone to another place, a better place. Because who the hell is going to visit West Side to see it? Not us. God forbid someone that drunk will ever find it.
In the meantime, mourners have issued a new call to action for the city drunks: if conquering the Piss Rock is no longer the unofficial 48th thing to do here, you may as well take a dump and call it good enough. “Take a moment of silence today for the rock. May the stain prosper.”