QUIZ: Are You Haunted by a Poltergeist, or Is That Just Your Weird Roommate?

You guys are scared, right?

Listen, we know this question is played out. Ha, ha, yeah, my quiet roommate is probably a ghost, ROFL xD I’m so random should we invite Josh Ruben?? But you guys. We’re so scared.

We put up Halloween decorations this past November and it’s really starting to get to us. We think we might be hearing things. So, if you, too feel as though maybe something is moving just out of the corner of your eye, we designed this helpful quiz.

1. What’s the specimen’s schedule like?

   1. SO annoying. Always showering when you need to take a shit, always making dinner when you want to make dinner, always staying up to the wee hours. It’s like they’re doing it just to piss you off.

   2. You feel like you never see them. You know they must be enrolled here (Ancient Civ, maybe?) but they don’t seem to come or go.

   3. You’re practically linked at the hip! Sometimes they disappear (presumably for class) but they’re always right there when you need them.

   4. Uh, normal? They’re kind of a prankster, tbh, so they’ve gotta be around.

2. Are you friends with the specimen?

   1. God, no. They must have friends aplenty with all the noise they’re making. You don’t need to be friends with your roommate, anyway!

   2. You don’t know. They leave you notes sometimes when you’re out of milk or mayonnaise, and it’s not unfriendly. They never complain when you play music– sometimes, they sing along.

   3. YES!! Best friends!!! You talk all the time, they listen to your problems and you listen to theirs. You just bought them a new necklace!

   4. Definitely friends. They always scratch at the door to be let in. They usually offer kind words, too, like “You’re safe here” or “We mean you no harm” or “Follow the light.”

3. What does the specimen typically eat and drink?

   1. Fruit and vegetables. It’s disgusting.

   2. It seems like almost nothing. The raw meat disappears from the fridge. The kettle gets used.

   3. What don’t they eat and drink? You make dinner together every night. They eat whatever you eat, and it feels like you’re filling up their teacup more than your own!

   4. Normal food. Sometimes there’s a clear, sticky residue in the sink, but you’re pretty sure it’s just egg whites.

4. Does the specimen have a corporeal form?

   1. What? Yeah?

   2. Not likely.

   3. Yes– they love it when you touch their smooth, smooth skin and do their makeup for them!

   4. Definitely. They’re always slamming doors and knocking things over. You need a human body for that.

5. And, finally, have there been any recent experiments or rituals that might indicate one way or the other, in regard to the specimen?

   1. The only experiment you’ve done is to see what they’ll do if you completely ice them out. They don’t seem to like it very much, which might mean they’re a ghost.

   2. You did a Ouija board once with your friends, and they seemed to respond well to that. It could have been a prank.

   3. Well, every night you sing songs together, and watch reruns of Dateline, and you try to feed them ice cream but it sort of just smears around their mouth. (That counts!)

   4. The only thing that comes to mind is when you found that weird amulet and tried to throw it away like, nine times, but it kept coming back.

If you chose mostly A’s: Congratulations! You have a normal roommate, and you’re the problem.

If you chose mostly B’s: That’s just your weird roommate.

If you chose mostly C’s: You live alone. You’re insane and these are your puppets.

If you chose mostly D’s: AHHHHHHHH! A GHOST!!!!!