Seventeen Ways to Hide Your Hickeys (no glue no borax)

((some glitter))

1. Celibacy and let everyone know about it. Even your barista. Especially your barista.

2. Turtleneck (it will be from the back of your dresser drawer. It will be itchy. To cope with this pretend you’re larping as an office siren)

   

   You’re actually legally required to wear this specific outfit.

3. Elf Color Correcting Pan purchased in 2019

4. Neighborhood Watch trenchcoat

   

   Why he kinda….

5. Give a friend (or foe) a piggyback ride non-stop

6. Small rodent sidekick perched on shoulder

7. Brutalize your vagus nerve with a whisk

8. Carry around a curling iron all day

9. Bedazzled neck brace (like okay throat goat 😍🙌)

   

10. Go streaking. It’ll be distracting. Nobody will notice.

11. Pose angelically at all times

    

12. Constantly hit your vape so the smoke cloud obscures you. Doesn’t smell half bad either.

13. Apply dry ice???

14. Elective surgery: neck skin graft

15. Fuck it give yourself a black eye

    

    Sidenote: Cannot believe they paid a real person to pose for this stock image

16. Play this out loud and think.

17. Get even more hickeys. Disguise it as a weird skin condition. Allow sweet sweet passionate love to overtake your life through lies and schemes and insurance deductibles.