Student Spotlight: Senior Who Still Doesn’t Know How to Use Transit App

Navigating the digital jungle that is the Transit App is a rite of passage many of our alumni look upon fondly. Yes, the app is wrong sometimes. Yes, that bus is actually two minutes away instead of ten. Better start running!

It’s all essential to our beloved bus system’s charm. Transit lies sometimes, sure, but running to that last interdorm bus after the bus jumps from fifteen to three minutes away just adds to the college experience. And hey! Those buses are always packed anyway. Nobody can tell you smell.

However, there are some who have not adapted to this falio. Our Student Spotlight today is Max Stultus. He is a business major and a private tutor to the infamous “Intro to Coloring Books” that weeded out 25% of Tippie’s class of 2026.

“To be honest, I just go with the flow,” he said when questioned about how he returns to his home dorm. “I ride the bus for a while, and just sleep in whatever dorm they kick me out to at the end of the night.” Insider scoops in the many Residential Assistant GroupMe’s confirm this. It appears Max sleeps in whatever dorm lounge he finds himself in whilst kicking away any RAs that attempt to move him.

Max stopped trying to decipher the mystic Transit texts a while ago. When he wants to ride the bus, he draws a summoning circle (with the skills learned in “Intro to Coloring Books”) and speaks in tongues. Eventually, out of grit and determination, the headlights shine and his chariot arrives.

The University of Iowa has taken interest in these practices, and have considered moving away from Transit and Transit-ioning to a bus system run on tarot cards and astrological signage.