Student Spotlight: Your Dryer’s Lint Trap

Somebody stick up for the little guy.

Laundry day often ranks between Columbus and Green in national day rankings, and this go-getting student wants public opinion to change.

Sixth-year senior Clumpa Lint is a volunteer firefighter and helps at multiple local animal shelters. Recent raises in rent to his 150-square-inch trap have priced him out of his Samsung Vented Smart Stackable Electric Dryer in Platinum with Steam Sanitize+ and forced him to move into a Whirlpool.

He says that lint trap awareness is his life’s calling and that there is no financial burden that will prevent him from reaching it, commenting, “I’ve lost too many to belly buttons. Please check up on your clumpy friends.”

Recent surveys conducted by the UI Division of Student Life showed that 40% of students didn’t know their dryers even had lint traps, and that 75% of them haven’t washed their sheets since their first midterm in September. (Nobody is that busy. Wash your fucking sheets.)

“There are many issues plaguing the modern-day clump. Lint is unjustly persecuted for house fires, and because of it, the drying rack market is pushing us out of jobs.”

Clumpa later handed us a piece of paper featuring candidates with lint-positive policies, but we forgot it in our pants on laundry day, leaving it soaked and 75% torn. Sorry man.