Three Ghosts Visited Us Over Break. We Aren't Changing.

As the nights have grown colder, the Doily writers have found ourselves warmed by all the misdeeds we have done. With all the suffering we and our boy Krampus rained down on Christmas, all the children we made cry, and all the correctly cited news we spread this last year at the front of our minds, we were as snug as a bug in a rug under our covers.

That’s when, at peak coziness, three inconsiderate ghosts barged into our room! We couldn’t even enjoy seeing a hot goth ghost, because they kept yapping. “Change your ways,” the first said. “Stop spreading misinformation!” the second said. “You will die alone!” the goth hottie said. We were offended! We have never spread misinformation a day in our lives.

We waved off their concerns with our official journalism badges, but the spirits were unappeased! Something about “focusing on the wrong issue”? Then, they tried to show us images of all the suffering we caused, like that wasn’t the point.

When we tried to shoo off the uggos to talk to the grim baddy before us, they cried that we were a “hopeless cause” and disappeared in a puff of smoke before we could even shoot our shot.

No matter what a group of loser (and one hot) ghosts has to say, we will not be changing our ways. Once the smoke cleared, we hopped right back into our bed and slept with the sounds of screaming frat boys in our ears. We are excited to bring you all the most accurate news coverage and evil deeds possible this spring.