Tippie Student Accepts Internship With Local Dark Lord
Far out in the distance, an evil castle sits framed by dark clouds and weird green lightning. An evil ancient is said to lurk inside its walls, terrorizing all around. Despite this, when sophomore Julian Coix was offered an internship with the Dark Lord of the castle, everyone around groaned in jealousy.
“It’s not fair!” the seniors in his Marketing 2: Electric Boogaloo class cried to us when they found out. “The Dark Lord even pays his interns!”
It has been a sad season indeed for those who crave those summer internships. First, that evil bitch from last month’s article got a prized spot with Lockheed Martin, now Julian lands the Dark Lord? What’s next? Is someone else going to steal our spot at Tying Girls to Traintracks Incorporated?
We interviewed the lucky bastard to hear his thoughts on the new role.
“Yeah, I mean like, the Dark Lord is like, super chill,” Croix told us. “I mean, sometimes he electrocutes people, but who doesn’t have days like that? He does it for, like, science and shit. I’m mostly looking over his finances, though. Making sure he filed correctly for the crocodile pit he built. Filling out the coloring pages he assigns is challenging sometimes, but I manage.”
When asked about his internship program, the Dark Lord wrote back to us saying, “I only ever pay one minion. It makes me chuckle when the rest are sad. Plus, I like Julian. I had a dark magic class with his dad back in the day. We turned some four-eyes into newts. Good times, good times.”
Nepotism strikes again. The rest of us never stood a chance. We suppose if you want to be an evil overlord these days, you have to be a self-starter and run morally wrong experiments yourself. That’s where the money is, anyway.