Top 10 Shadow Daddies Ranked By Punxsatawney Phil

Happy Groundhog Day, everyone! We at the DA know how much this holiday means to boring ol’ Iowa, so we have secured an exclusive interview with the main attraction, groundhog Punxsatawney Phil, to better understand this painfully middle-class holiday.

For example, many Groundhog Day fanatics are unaware of Phil’s love for Dark Romance and Romantasy books. Phil, as an avid editor on our very own Venus Magazine, is evidently obsessed with the “Shadow Daddy” trope. For those with actual lives, Shadow Daddies are tall, dark, handsome, and questionably older than their main love interest.

To celebrate Phil’s lesser-known ventures, we at the Doily are proud to present this groundhog’s Bona Fide Ranking of his top 10 Shadow Daddies

10. Xaden Riorson from Yarros’ Fourth Wing. Phil ranked him last because his name is objectively stupid and un-moanable. It could be worse, so he just barely makes this list.

9. Voldemort. Hubba Hubba! Unlike the fear of his shadow, Phil is NOT scared of pale men with really small noses

8. Rhysand from ACOTAR. Again like Xaden, a really stupid name. He does, however, have wings. Phil likes wings because, unlike what most Groundhog Day posers have come to believe, Phil is an avid aviation enthusiast with thousands of model WW2 airplanes in his collection.

7. The Darkling from The Grishaverse. Phil is a sucker for titles and mysterious shadow men. Sometimes he stares into his shadow every February and wishes it were him, for then he won’t be so scared.

6. Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. Though it might seem like an unconventional choice, Phil repeatedly started to “hear him out on this one” before not elaborating any further.

5. Eren Yeager from Attack on Titan. A man who would kill 80% of the world for you? Yes please!

4. President Business from The LEGO Movie. He’s tall and rich and evil. Phil loves every single niche, so he clinches the respectable position of #4 on his list.

3. Gru from the Despicable Me franchise. Big nose, a redeemed villain, and good with kids? This is Phil’s most searched franchise on Ao3, especially the Gru x Victor fics.

2. Shadow the Hedgehog from the Sonic Franchise. It’s literally in his name. HE is THE shadow daddy. Phil seemed to be a bit hesitant about his ranking, mostly due to the shame that comes with being an adult Sonic fan.

1. Princess Luna from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Best My Little Pony character, best villain, and Phil loves her. He loves her so much. Like a concerning amount of love. He has every figure. Every poster. Every copy of her appearance on DVD and VHS. Friendship is Magic did not even have an official VHS release. But he has it. And he loves it.

So this is the official list! And by official, we at the DA allude to this list being the definitive ranking of these characters and treat Punxsatawney Phil as a grounded authority of smut and pop culture.