University of Iowa Announces Femcel LLC

After the University of Iowa changed its DEI policy (solely because it wanted to) and axed the identity-based LLCs along with it, UIHD has made an unexpected decision by repurposing the Mayflower basement to house a new and highly anticipated “Femcel LLC.”

This new Living Learning Community will have no showers within the facility, as they will be replaced by industrial sized monster energy vending machines. Camel Crush cigarettes will also be handed out weekly by RAs, and Mitski and Deftones will be blasted down the hall at all hours of the day. Residents are required to attend at least two screenings of Anno’s “End of Evangelion” per week, or face honor code violations.

“This is the greatest moment of my life,” says self-identified “stinkpilled-doomercel” and soon-to-be sophomore Lain Smith. “Me and the girls can finally prance around in our Asuka cosplays without being mogged by those normie-tier sorority Staceys. God, Twilight Sparkle is so me”.

This decision was not a bipartisan one. Right-aligned student organizations have berated Barbara Wilson and UIHD management with demands for Burge Residence Hall to be made into a male-aligned “Incel LLC.” Despite record applications from YAF and Tippie School of Business, this proposal has been rejected, and its filers publicly shamed on YikYak.

Applications for this new Femcel LLC will be opening this spring, with one’s Valorant clips, My Little Pony figure collection, fanart of Madoka Magica, and ability to recite quotes from popular yaois as some of the biggest standout qualities of each applicant. UIHD has allegedly hired a strange middle-aged man to read through all the applications, though he has—allegedly—started adding applicants on Discord and demanding feet pics if they want to get accepted.