University of Iowa Hitler Youth Branch Receives Funding Cuts
In a breakthrough decision, the Iowa Board of Regents has slashed the historic “Hitler Youth Outreach Program” from their usual operational budget of $420 to $45.
This has come after a myriad of defunding efforts that were forced upon the university, with President Wilson dismissing and disbanding most identity-based LLCs last fall. In an email to club treasurer Gerhardt Gobbelshit (a fourth-year business analytics major who insisted on being called by his title “Gruppenführer Gerhardt”), the university condemned the club and told Gruppenführer Gerhardt to liquidate any posters, website subscriptions, and counterfeit WW2 memorabilia they got from eBay.
“I had no idea what I was expecting,” said the Gruppenführer. “We can’t hold our summer formal, ‘the Hitler ball’ (singular), with a measly budget of 45 dollars. It’s all over now. I have an inexplicable urge to go die in a bunker on the European continent.”
Created in the 60s by prolific Neo-Nazi George Rockefeller, the Iowa Hitler Youth Outreach Program splintered off as a radicalized faction of UIowa College Republicans. After being temporarily suspended in the 90s, the UIowa College Centerists lobbied then president Mary Sue Coleman to reinstate the group, citing that “there are good people on both sides of the political spectrum, we can’t be callous and ban an entire viewpoint.” Because of this, the group has remained relatively safe from upper university administration until now.
The Führer (President) of the club, upon hearing the news, initiated a full purge of their officers. The Vice-Führer (vice president), propaganda minister (social media intern), and head of the (not mandatory) loyalty enforcement force were reported missing this morning.
The entire student and staff body of the Adler Journalism building is celebrating this notion, not just because they hate Nazis, but because the full volume Little Dark Age WW2 edits will finally stop reverberating throughout the entire building every chapter meeting.