University Refuses to Acknowledge Woman in the Attic of Suit Hall
Are its yellow walls occupied?
There’s a woman trapped in Stuit Hall. Yes, for all the bumps in the night, shapeless shadows, and inexplicable clamor in the building, students have been able to piece together a potential cause. And now they’re beginning to ask questions.
Evidence of said woman has surfaced on trustworthy news sites such as YikYak, class Snapchat stories, and word of mouth. Witnesses have recorded multiple (albeit shaky) videos and taken multiple (albeit blurry) photos of a figure standing in the topmost windows of the building.
Despite the mounting evidence, the university has made no official statement on the figure. An activist group has recently formed, demanding a response and release of the trapped woman. They are loosely associated with the protest movement to bring awareness to the man stuck inside of the Chicago “Bean” (Cloud Gate), but it’s unclear if they’re actually from Chicago or the suburbs.
So who is this mystery woman? Is she a long-trapped spirit from the days of yore, who died while the building was an isolation ward? Was she once a graduate music student, left behind in the switch to Voxman, playing her haunting tunes at night? Or could it just be that she’s actually Barbara Wilson?
“Do you really believe that’s Barb?” One protestor scoffed when we pointed out the university president has been sighted near-daily, nowhere near Stuit Hall. “That’s what they want you to think. They got her. They replaced her.”
Other protestors have much different opinions. Explanations for the woman include trapped liberal arts students, the long-neglected wife of Herky the Hawk planning her vengeance, and friends-of-a-friend who were blacklisted from renting across the city after breaking their contract.
The university continues to remain silent, despite mounting protests and nightly stakeouts in front of the long-forgotten hall. Whether or not Barb (if that really is Barb) will address these concerns remains up in the air.