Whippet Wednesday added to Iowa’s Course Syllabi as Religious Holy Day
Due to popular demand and a sharp decline in class attendance every Wednesday, the University of Iowa has officially recognized “Whippet Wednesday” as a religiously exempt holy day. This change will be implemented at the start of the next spring semester, listed in all course syllabi under the absences for religious holidays.
Whippet Wednesday is a new holiday that grew in popularity amongst Gen Z users through the internet, celebrating every Wednesday as a “Whippet” day. This day has become so widely celebrated and sacred to those who participate that the university claims that class attendance has dropped so significantly that there basically aren’t any classes on Wednesdays anymore.
What does this new change actually mean for Iowa? Now, the syllabi don’t actually list out what religious/holy days are excused for absences. According to the university, a student may notify their professors no later than the third week of the session/semester of religious days that they would miss class for. So, students can notify their professors of their participation in Whippet Wednesday, and assuming this request is accepted, they can skip class every single Wednesday. To do what exactly? Celebrate Whippet Wednesday, obviously.
Many have speculated that Barbara Wilson is behind this new change to the syllabi, due to her recent controversy being spotted doing whippets in the Elray’s alley.
“I think this is Barb trying to distract everyone with these ridiculous changes to university policies so she can fuel her whippet addiction,” says one frustrated and confused student.
“I mean, seriously, think about it: first, Iowa accepts an even larger freshman class, and you KNOW half of them are from Illinois and made the mistake of spending the out-of-state tuition price to come here instead of spending the same amount at the University of Illinois. Next, Barb gets rid of flex meals and Hawk Dollars to implement a worse system with dining dollars separate from laundry dollars, just to squeeze out whatever cash Iowa students have left. We all know the university is greedy, but where does it go? I say it’s whippets.”
On top of the Barbara W(hippet)ilson conspiracy theory circulating amongst suspicious students, it seems that most students have never heard of Whippet Wednesday in the first place, except for that one person you don’t really know who keeps posting pictures of weird-looking dogs on their Instagram story.
Many Iowa parents in Facebook groups are questioning this holiday, worried about what it could mean for their children.
“What if my child participates in this non-Christian holiday that encourages them to do drugs?” Asks one concerned mother of a student who is actively abusing Adderall to complete his R-rated student film for the National 48 Hour Film Project.
Wait, hold on, sorry folks: I have just been informed by our editors that Whippet Wednesday is about the dog breed, not the drug. I really hope the university also knows this. Have a blessed Whippet Wednesday!