13 Reasons Why You Should Lock In

It’s that magical time of year when even the smallest things going wrong can have you telling all your friends (or at least Yik Yak), “This is my 13th reason.” Some semesters, the title of Dead Week feels just that little bit extra fitting. We here at the Doily Allergen empathize with you, but we want to give you a bit of positivity to keep going strong until you can jingle your sleighbells off into the distance for a month of blissful emptiness. So we have created this list of 13 reasons why you should lock in for finals week. Hopefully you find a motivator in here that is right for you.

1. You already hate this class, you don’t want to have to repeat it. Can you imagine trying to sit through all this shit again?

2. If you do better than your friends on the final, you can rub it in their faces for all of eternity. They may have actually known how World War I started that one time that you argued about it, but who got the better score on the Organic Chem I final?

3. Picture your professor reading your SPOT review that you left on their class once the semester is over, and know that you will be so much more justified in leaving that review if you also do well on the final.

4. This reason only applies if your final is a group project, but if your final is a group project and you’re that one motherfucker that slacks off in the group: no one likes you. So just don’t be that guy.

5. You have to admit, some of the study spaces on campus are so cozy, especially when you make them your own. Your favorite chair in the library, for example, or that one corner of the ABW that is just full of natural light, or that little room with the whiteboard in your floor’s lounge. All of these can be really homey, so you might as well go be productive there for a bit. Better than sitting in a tiny chair with a weird lap tray desk in a windowless lecture hall next week and crying because you aren’t prepared.

6. If you do well, maybe your parents will buy you a treat like when you would have a good report card as a kid. It’s the season of giving, after all.

7. The “lock in” and “academic weapon” and “I’m on the grind” jokes are all a lot funnier when you’re actually locked in as an academic weapon on the grind.

8. Luigi Mangione (or somebody… but let’s not get into that) was able to take down a corrupt billionaire. This final is your corrupt billionaire. It’s time to take aim, stay cool if your gun jams, and then pedal away on an ebike with a backpack full of Monopoly money.

9. It’s so fucking cold and snowy and windy out, what the hell else would you be doing besides sitting inside anyways? Shoveling your parking spot? Don’t lie to yourself.

10. Anything you do for your final will be better than this year’s Spotify Wrapped, as long as it’s something. Because what was with that nothing salad?

11. That dopamine hit when you finish all the tasks you had to do and finals week is over and you can just relax is unmatched, but made even stronger when you aren’t dreading how it all went because you’re confident that you were locked in hard enough to succeed. It is seriously one of life’s greatest highs; move over meth heads, it’s time to finish a 3,000 word paper.

12.  If you use the excuse of having to study or finish your final projects, you won’t have to go to your shitty underpaid job for a week or so. Yeah, you need the money, but you also need your manager to get off your ass, and no better way to do that than by claiming the student excuse.

13. Last but not least, if you are graduating this semester: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? YOU’RE GOING TO WALK THE PODIUM AND THEN NOT GET YOUR DEGREE? FUCK NO! LOCK IN!

Wishing all our readers best of luck during finals week!