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  • Doily Allergen

After Month-Long Winter Break, Sisyphus Actually Excited About Pushing Boulder Again


Many students might be bummed about going back to their regular routines after an extended winter break, but recent University of Iowa transfer student and mythical figure Sisyphus is ready to get back to work and start pushing his boulder up the hill again. After cunningly evading death and escaping from Hades, Sisyphus faced the wrath of Zeus, who sentenced Sisyphus to forever push a massive boulder up a mountain, only for it to fall back down.

“Most people would get discouraged being cursed to push a boulder up a hill for all eternity”, Sisyphus said, “But I’ve actually been able to find lots of meaning in boulder-pushing and I’ve just really missed being on a consistent schedule.”

Surprisingly, Sisyphus is actually grateful for the opportunity. He said that since he’s been pushing the boulder for so long, he doesn’t really know what else he’d be doing.

“Honestly, my parents are kind of the ones who pushed me into boulder-pushing in the first place,” Sisyphus said, “I’m mostly doing this for them, and with enough luck, soon I can go out into the real world and push an even bigger boulder!”

But even though he was looking forward to getting a break from the constant struggle of pushing the boulder, Sisyphus said he couldn’t really enjoy his break.

“Having a break was nice, but I couldn’t really relax. Like what is there to do during the pandemic? I mean, you can only watch nasty Bridgerton sex scenes for so long before you start to feel that existential dread. I just couldn’t shake this nagging feeling that I should be pushing a boulder. Is that weird?”

After being on break for what felt like an eternity, Sisyphus said that he was actually excited to start pushing his boulder again, now at the University of Iowa.

“Coming to the University of Iowa has helped a lot. It’s just nice being around people who are also suffering from grueling and meaningless busywork just like me. I look around and see so much pain and human suffering… I feel right at home.”

In addition, the Covid-19 pandemic has significantly impacted the daily operations of all the University’s Greek myths, and Sisyphus now finds himself pushing his boulder from home.

“It’s just not the same.” Sisyphus said, “Most of the time I can’t even tell if I’m pushing my work boulder or my at-home boulder. My work-life balance has become totally shot!”


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