Apartments At Iowa Manager Sexually Aroused By Flood of Emails From Desperate Tenants
Today, Apartments At Iowa Manager Richard Anderson announced that reading the flood of emails from desperate tenants “has been really doing it for him.”
“First, I’d like to clarify a few things. Yes, I do rub the printed emails tenants have sent to Apartments at Iowa, begging for an extension on rent, all over my body. Many have suffered from job loss or suspension in light of COVID-19, meaning they can’t afford to pay rent on time, or at all, which in turn makes me incredibly horny,” said Anderson. “The flood of desperate emails pleading for more time only heightens the mood. Knowing that I am the only one that can grant compassion and mercy is a lot of power for one individual. Withholding that compassion and mercy is super, super hot.”
According to Anderson, this is not the first time tenant misery has given him pleasure.
“I’ve always known that refusing to help tenants in any way, shape, or form was a kink of mine. From returning security deposits to simple maintenance tasks, making the tenants’ lives more difficult has always aroused me in a way that my wife never could,” Anderson said. “But reading through these sad and desperate emails is like a whole different level. Here, listen to this one: Dear Mr. Anderson, I have recently lost two university jobs. Before this, I lived paycheck to paycheck. Now, I don’t know what to do. I can barely afford to feed myself right now. Please help. Sincerely, Jennifer. Well, Jennifer, here’s my answer: no. No, no, no. No way Jose. Absolutely not. Offer declined. N to the O. No. NO. NOO. NOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOO!! …..Shit. Holy shit. WOW. Mind. Blowing. In fact, after this, I’m going to go through the voicemails.”
“Also, for reals though,” Anderson said. “No.”