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  • Doily Allergen

Blackout Halts IMU Caucus, Voting Cards Mysteriously Replaced with Tom Steyer Pamphlets

iowa caucus blackout tom steyer

After a power failure at the IMU locations during Monday night’s caucus, participants were confused and alarmed to find that their voting cards had somehow been replaced by flyers advertising Tom Steyer’s presidential campaign.

“It was unlike anything I’ve ever seen,” said precinct chair Jack Delaponta. “The lights went out, and we heard some scattered whispering from the corners of the room, chanting ‘Tom, Tom, Tom,’ and then when the lights came back on, we were all holding those stupid flyers, with Steyer’s face just staring into our souls. As if we didn’t have enough of them from the fucking mail, now he’s using dark magic to spread them around? It’s unbelievable.”

After the mysterious switch-out, caucus leaders struggled to get the event back on track.

“I mean, how do you just go back to normal after something like that,” Delaponta said. “We tried our best, re-issuing the voting cards and burning the ads in a sacred pyre to ward off evil spirits, but we could tell everyone’s minds were elsewhere. We could still feel the presence of Tom in the room.”

Voters at the IMU locations told reporters that while the incident did undeniably frighten them, it was not even close to enough to warrant actually changing their vote to support Steyer.


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