Catlett Asks Students To Stop Smuggling Plates From Home Into Dish Return
Catlett Dining Hall released a press statement today asking students to stop bringing their own dishes into the dining hall to use, and to stop leaving them on the dish return conveyor belt.
According to the statement, the phenomenon is becoming more and more common. “Every kind of dish has been left behind,” the statement reads. “We’ve received dishes that are 50 cents a piece at Target, and we’ve received fancy Christmas china plates that we’re almost certain someone stole from their grandparent.”
Catlett Dining Hall staff have proposed solutions to this problem, but none have been determined good enough to implement.
One proposed solution was to set up a tub with all the dishes in the lobby, but critics worried that anyone could take any dish, instead of just their own. The dishes would likely make it back to some random grandparent, who would be sad that they didn’t have the whole matching set.
Another solution was to put the dishes into the rotation to be used in the dining hall, but Dean of Students Angie Reams nixed that idea due to worries about spontaneous brawls breaking out over which students got the coolest dishes.
The simplest solution proposed was simply to give the dishes out to Catlett employees with express instructions to not give them to their grandparents, but every authority figure agreed that that would be showing too much employee appreciation.
As no solution can be found, the dishes currently sit precariously balanced on six stacked boxes of pre-baked cookies in the kitchen. If you would like to get your dish back, email a picture of you holding said dish to email@example.com.