Celebrate Your First Day of Classes by Celebrating Tessa’s Birthday

Are you miserably sobbing your way through your first day of classes, hoping and yearning for even a single spark of good on this most horrid of days? Well, worry no longer, dear reader! We’d like to wish you a happy first day of classes by forcing you to wish a happy birthday to our dear vice president, Tessa!
Do it. Do it. Or else. Celebrate Tessa’s birthday, reader. It’s the only way to celebrate the opening of classes. Celebrate it. Celebrate. Have fun. Fun. Fun. Don’t worry. Nothing bad will happen to you as long as you do this one little thing. If you truly love The Doily Allergen, you’ll celebrate our vice president’s birthday. And if you don’t truly love us… then what reason have we to keep you around?
Celebrate. Celebrate. Celebrate. You know what happens if you don’t.
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