Doily Allergen Changes Name to 𝕏
Following recent administrative changes, we here at The Doily Allergen are excited to announce our intent to change the name of Iowa City’s most trusted newspaper to X (stylized as 𝕏).
This change is brought on by the recent ascension of former staff writer Melon Usk (first name pronounced like “mee-lawn”) to the office of the President. President Usk has also promised to bring about many other great changes, such as switching from being a student organization to a limited liability corporation, firing 75% of current staff writers and replacing them with machine learning algorithms, and investing all 𝕏 funds in meme-based cryptocurrencies.
Usk, a junior at the Tippie College of Business, has stated that he believes amazing things are coming with him in charge. “We’re going to make satire great again,” he told his staff, “because nothing is cooler than the letter 𝕏, and no one is cooler than me for having chosen that name for this company.” A few seconds later, speaking quietly, he added, “And also because we’d better make a fuckton of money or my shareholders are not going to be happy about this.”
Let us know what you think of the change in the comments below!