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  • Byron Ellington

College Kids Can’t Get Enough of This Hot New Trend: Shattering the Fucking Windows


America, we need to talk.


Our kids are out of control. Our teens are vaping in the classroom. Our babies are addicted to iPads. And our college students… you have no idea what has consumed their drunken, immature minds as of late: Shattering the fucking windows.


Imma level with you, I have no idea where this got started. Is it a TikTok trend? A YouTube Shorts dare? A Snapchat challenge gone wrong? No clue. But however it started, it’s a wonder it hasn’t gotten more young people killed. This is the new tide pods. This is the new fidget spinners. Generation Zed is a threat to us all.


Case in point: The University of Iowa, the university where this very newspaper is published. In recent weeks, there have been at least two separate instances of someone—presumably one or more college students—smashing windows all across campus. Disgusting. These bold youngsters should be breaking the glass ceiling, not the glass wall!


The first took place at the Pomerantz Career Center. This was an early occurrence before the trend truly took off, and as such we unfortunately have no investigative photos of the incident. The second, however, was what spawned this article.


One of the glass doors to Stanley Residence Hall was nearly shattered through about two weeks ago, in the night or early morning. It was patched up soon that very day, but for several hours, students entering and exiting Stanley through its front door were subject to seeing the damage done. This was a dangerous mental infection, the sudden realization in their feeble brains that such an act was possible. Thus hath spread the disease.


Behold the shocking images taken at Stanley below:





Witness the damage done. Witness the horrors committed. Witness how the University had to hastily patch up the broken, violated window door before it could be properly mended.


America, get your children in order. This is unacceptable. This is sick. This is the hot new trend that has absorbed and demolished our young adults’ minds—and it must be annihilated.

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