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  • Doily Allergen

Dasani Water Bottle Undisputed Crowd Favorite in Political Panel Discussion


dasani water bottle stands alone

It was a night of heated debate and thoughtful dialogue at the Englert Theater between some of the nation’s top political commentators.


Panelist touched on an array of hot-button issues; immigration, hate speech, even thoughts on abortion were articulated with a level of passion and respect uncommon in today’s political climate.


Yet one thing stood out through all the thought-provoking discussion and issue focused talk; so that by the end of the night one thing was clear.


A single Dasani water bottle had won the hearts and minds of Iowa City, emerging as the undisputed crowd favorite.


“The bottle never once said anything I disagreed with,” said local Trisha Daft. “I found myself nodding along whenever I caught a look at its wonderfully designed packaging and clearly labeled nutrition facts. As a health-conscience mom raising three kids, that stuff really hits home.”


“I thought Marie Hall had a lot of good points on the way social media has given increased visibility to radical political ideologies, but that crystal clear, unopened water bottle stole the show,” said local Democrat Howie Reed. “A half-liter of eye-catching H2O with pitch perfect branding. The way the stage lighting made it shimmer, the sleek and modern logo design—how do you even compete with that? That piece of plastic was made for American politics.”


Panelist Marie Hall was surprised by the bottle’s alluring persona, as well is its ability to effortlessly provide insight into contemporary issues despite being a water bottle.


“I’ve never seen anything like it. Genuine, confident—and built from 30% compost and plant materials—that’s a crucial point. This water bottle will have no trouble winning over Green New Dealers if it decides to run in 2020,” Hall said.


Panelist Bryan Nellis also found the vessel’s effortless charm challenging to deal with.


“I got super thirsty up there, but you don’t crack open and drink a guy that’s essentially running the stage by sheer force of personality.”


Bob Amedeo, the event’s chief organizer, was just as stunned by the reception of the Coca-Cola Company’s cherished bottled water brand.


“When we brought together the most respected analysts across the political spectrum, we knew we needed a hydrating beverage that could hold its own up there on the stage,” Amedeo said. “What we didn’t anticipate is that one of these Dasani bottles would absolutely dominate the discussion. Radiating charisma, boasting a crisp and refreshing taste enhanced with minerals. The other panelist had their arguments, but it’s hard to go up against an item that’s gone through a multi-filtration process and is 100% recyclable.”


Still one Englert Theater employee, Samantha Peabody, expressed her skepticism of the rising star’s origins and staying power, even though it’s been designed to be America’s first choice when they need a clean and pure tasting thirst quencher—guaranteed to be free of all impurities via reverse osmosis.


“I don’t get it. There was like 30 of those back stage,” she said.

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