- D Will
Dear Doily: My Dick Uses She/Her Pronouns
Dear Doily,
I am a proud haver of erectile dysfunction.
Yeah. I’m not ashamed. I tell people all the time. The first thing they always ask is if it affects my sex life. I tell them it doesn’t. You know why? I’M A HOMOSEXUAL!!
Let me learn you up on something about gay sex: You see, son, in this world, there are tops and there are bottoms. “What does that mean?” you cutely ask. I humbly chuckle. Well, bottoms are the ones who are known as the… uh… como se dice… the wide receivers. Whereas tops are more like the pitchers.
I am a proud bottom. You know what that means? I DON’T EVEN USE MY DICK! How can I be ashamed of my erectile dysfunction while I’m getting buttfucked by another Grindr hookup? It’s like it’s not even there!
It is for that reason that I refer to my penis as a she/her.
So, the secret is out. Do what you will with this information. Blackmail me! Use it as ransom! Shove Viagra down my throat! I don’t care! Just take me as I am!
I hope this is the kind of news you’re looking to report on.
With sensual regards, I am,
JD Vance (he/him)
Dear JD Vance (he/him),
What the fuck.
Yours Truly,
The Doily Allergen (we/us)
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