Doily Allergen Acquired by Media Conglomerate, Soon to Be Relaunched as Fox News Humor
After a few years as the number one name on the University of Iowa-affiliated satire news circuit, we at the Doily Allergen are finally moving up in the world of comedy oriented journalism. That said, we are proud to announce that we have been acquired by Fox News to run their soon-to-be active humor section!
“The only word I could use to describe the energy in the group right now is, uh… incredulous,” said our editor, Jane Buckledge. “This is a truly high honor for a comedian. Working for Fox News is really the funniest thing that I could possibly do,” said Justine Vernon, a junior writer for the DA.
As far as how our new owners came to this decision, we asked the board of directors of Fox News, “why us?”
Board member Dick Hannon stated, “We dislike the term ‘bid for relevancy’ around here, but we think this is a really great way to make people pay more attention to us and like us more.”
Another board member, Johnathan Lenker, told us that demographics were a key issue.
“We know our primary consumer base is largely older individuals that are very strongly in favor of conservative values. We saw that the Allergen’s reader base is made up of grandmothers and grandfathers of the writers, almost all of whom will make it known that they disagree morally with what their grandchild is writing. We figure this is also a good chance to reach the hearts of the twenty actual college students who follow the paper.”
We just want to end this announcement by assuring our readers that the youthful, relatable, student-oriented perspective we’ve held in the past will not change, and we view our position as humorists of the students of UIowa as sacred. Oh, and also, for every time we’ve made an article spoofing a conservative viewpoint, we’ve retroactively decided we’re not joking.