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Doily Allergen Donates Forty Cents We Would’ve Spent On Super Bowl Ad To COVID Relief


With companies like Budweiser, Coke, and Pepsi choosing to pull their Superbowl ads to donate to COVID-19 relief funds, we here at the Doily Allergen thought we would do something to help too. So we have also chosen to pull our annual Super Bowl ad and instead donate the forty cents we would’ve spent to Covid-19 relief.

“We know it’s not as much as some other companies out there,” said editor Kyle Petrie. “But we were feeling pretty generous this year, and thought ‘why not? We got money to burn’. So you’re welcome, America.”

We at The Allergen think this is a pretty big deal, and we were really kind of hoping that doing this would give us some good publicity. But no one’s even mentioned it yet! What the hell people? We’re doing a good deed over here! Yoohoo! Give us attention! We want major brownie points for this.

But not everyone is happy about us donating our advertising money.

“Wait, we have an advertising budget? Why didn’t anyone tell me?” said Doily Allergen social media manager Taylor Kohn. “And now we’re just throwing it away by donating it to charity? I mean, no one’s even going to know we’re doing that since – guess what – we don’t have a fucking advertising budget! Unbelievable.”

We also reached out to Jacob Lybarger, president of the Iowa City Covid-19 relief fund for a quote, who said “that literally won’t help at all and is frankly kind of insulting.”

Alright fine, I guess next year we’ll keep that forty cents to ourselves then, asshole. Honestly, we thought that everyone would be a little bit more grateful. But I guess no good deed goes unpunished. Whatever. Happy Super Bowl Sunday or whatever. I don’t know. Go watch grown men fight over a ball for five hours and drink beer or something. See if I care.


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