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  • Lily Meline

Freshman English Major Forced to Take Exclusively Accounting Classes Due to Availability

freshman stressed over schedule builder

For any upperclassmen or disabled people reading this, class registration will likely feel like it was completed ages ago. Within the first week of April, you’ll have meticulously chosen the best classes to fulfill the needs of your major, uncompleted gen-eds, or even just classes that seemed interesting. None of your classes start before 11:00 AM, your Fridays are always empty, and you have enough time between classes to leisurely maneuver campus and arrive on time. You had the whole world in your hands, for with a perfect schedule, one truly is the best student they can be.

This, I’m sure you’re aware, is not the case for lowerclassmen. Incoming freshmen are only just now getting the opportunity to register for classes, and at this point, the pickings are slim. All that’s really left are the classes that nobody wanted to take and those weirdly exclusive internships, so unless you’re able to get in the good graces of the professors as a seventeen-year-old with no experience, connections, or prospects, you’re pretty much shit out of luck. This was, unfortunately, the case for incoming English major, Drew Bimley.

Drew didn’t have the best GPA in high school due to his lack of exam-taking skills, but he always had a canny ability for clear diction, so he figured that an English degree was a good goal to shoot for. Upon being accepted into the University of Iowa, he was assigned an academic advisor who told him all the best classes for an English freshman to take. By the end of the meeting, he had a schedule built with Foundations of the English Major, The Interpretation of Literature, Literary Editing, and a handful of gen-eds that he could knock out easily.

When his allotted registration time came along, April 26 at 6:00 PM, Drew’s face fell as he realized all of his desired classes had been filled up. He tried to put himself on the waiting lists, but there were so many people trying to get into the classes that the professors had closed registration. The classes in Drew’s second, third, and even fourth preferred schedules were all filled up as well. Sadly, Drew went back to the course search to see what other English classes were available.

There were, evidently, no available English classes for Drew to take. The open ones were all graduate-level classes, aforementioned sketchy-ass internships, and classes taught by Anne Stapleton, whom he had the good sense to avoid. Even the gen-eds were filled up! It seemed like Drew would have to go without classes Fall 2024, but if he didn’t take at least 15 semester hours, he wouldn’t be eligible for student loans, so he had to take something.

Desperately, Drew filtered out the full classes from his course search, leaving him with only 50 or so options for classes. None of them were especially appealing to him content-wise, and in a sick twist of fate, they were all graded based on exams. Finally, he chose the first handful of classes he could find, then spent another hour making a schedule with times that didn’t conflict with each other.

And that, my friends, is the story of how a little baby English boy ended up taking exclusively Accounting classes. He’s now been socially ostracized by his friends, his academic advisor is disappointed in him, and the mailman still doesn’t have his new address. On the bright side, at least he might be able to get a job after graduating, am I right????


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