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Freshman In Critical Condition After Mistaking Swarm of Wasps For On Iowa Leader


wasps and on iowa

Mass confusion between On Iowa shirts and bees enjoying the summer heat came to a head yesterday, after freshman Cameron Rothman was admitted to the emergency room. Rothman was stung repeatedly by a swarm of wasps, having mistaken the insects for the bright yellow tee of his On Iowa leader.


“Frankly, it was only a matter of time,” said On Iowa leader Alyssa Copley. “I can remember back when I was a freshman, I was mere inches from a hornet’s nest when I heard my leader say something behind me, so I knew something weird was going on. Each year I’ve been doing this, it’s been near miss after near miss.”


Copley says she does her best to warn her On Iowa group at the start of the event that at no point in the orientation will she emit low buzzing noises, and that this will likely be the only noticeable distinction between her and a human-shaped cloud of yellowjackets.


The Doily Allergen sat down with Rothman to speak about the incident, and we were told, “how did you guys get in here? This is a closed room! Get the hell out, we need to treat him!”


The incident has sparked a debate over how to prevent future tragedies, with some freshmen suggesting wasps simply stay indoors during On Iowa, arguing that Iowa City can only handle one neon yellow horde at a time. Iowa City’s wasp community believes this is a reckless solution.


“Oh, gosh, well now of course I feel just terrible about the whole situation,” said local wasp Thor Ax. “This poor fella was just out trying to enjoy the premier moments of the college experience and whatnot. But ya know, on the other hand, I have to stand with my friends that were involved in the stinging, because the summer weather is for everybody to enjoy, and when ya startle us, of course we’re gonna be like “ope” and send ya to the ER, that’s just how these things go. But also, of course, my circulatory system goes out to him and his family.”


Ax added that the best course of action seems to be changing the color of the shirts, especially given that “off the record, of course, the color isn’t particularly flattering anyways.”

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