top of page
  • Doily Allergen

Freshman Truth Seeker Begins Investigation Into What Happened To Cactus 2

investigator at cactus 2

Last May, Cactus 2 served its last minor and closed their doors permanently. It was a devastating loss for all of Iowa City, as Cactus 2 was the hottest place in town to get a pitcher of straight tequila, enjoy the company of local roaches and rats, and was even voted “best bathroom to throw up in.” Truly a taste of local culture. The business claimed to have gone under due to a slow in business caused by the pandemic, but freshmen Jack Carter isn’t buying it.

“Cactus 2 was a staple of this city,” Carter said. “A couple masks and a fake virus wasn’t enough to put it out of business. Cactus made Iowa City what it was and there’s something off about this. I’m determined to figure out what it is.”

Carter has launched a full scale investigation into the closure, and he doesn’t plan to stop until he finds the answers he so desperately craves.

“I’ve gone to like three different people and asked questions,” Carter explained. “I’m trying to find the owner so I can ask him but you have to like, pay to get his number so I got kinda stuck on that. I got yarn though so I can make one of those boards with the pictures you see in movies. Haven’t made it yet, but still.”

Despite not being very far into his investigation Carter is very passionate about his beliefs and thinks others should be concerned as well. According to his extremely limited research, this may go beyond Cactus 2.

“I believe that Cactus 2 may have been getting too powerful, and the elites didn’t like that,” he explained. “Who’s to say what business may be next? This isn’t just about a place for underage kids like myself to be served margaritas without unfair and bothersome questions. It’s about freedom.”

Despite his devotion to his own theories, Carter is aware that some of this may be too much for others to get on board. However, he is open to allies who care about the cause.

“There’s a lot at play here and most of it’s going to go right over the sheeple’s heads, but if you’re out there and you’re awake don’t let Cactus 2 die without a fight. Start asking questions.”


Featured Articles

bottom of page