Going The Extra Mile: This UI Latin Student Uttered The Black Oath and Summoned Ral-Huen
Here at the Doily Allergen, we’re always on the hunt for students who are taking initiative and really excelling in their coursework. Today, we sat down with Noah Peterson, a second year student who’s working on earning a minor in Latin. As a personal research project, Peterson dug through ancient tomes, and uncovered the Book of a Thousand Tongues, which detailed the ritual required to awaken the Eternal Consumer, Ral-Huen (May He Spare Us From His Many Mouths)!
“My parents are always harping on me for choosing to study a ‘dead’ language, so I was eager to prove that there is real-world value in studying Latin,” Peterson said. “All it took was a seven-sided candle lit at dusk, a newborn lamb to sacrifice, and a simple incantation. Before I knew it, I was face to face with the Bringer of Neverending Suffering!”
When asked about improvements for future projects, Peterson had a lot to say.
“I think you can learn a lot from your mistakes. There’s plenty of things I hope to do differently next time. For instance, I slightly misspoke one of the words. Mistakes happen, and now I have no binding powers over the horrifying entity I unleashed upon the world. Next time, I’ll be sure to review my pronunciations more carefully.”
Shortly after the interview, we spotted Ral-Huen (Whose Blessed Gaze None Can Escape From) on his way into the Iowa City area. According to the Ancient Tomes of the Ephemeral Ones, Iowa City residents can expect the arrival of the Consumer to interfere with morning commutes through downtown, as most of downtown will be annihilated when His Almighty Wrath is unleashed on us all. We managed to get a quote directly from the mouth of He Who Swallows All:
“Your fate is sealed. The end of days is finally upon you and ALL who inhabit this miserable little seedling. Uulwi ifis halahs gag erh’ongg w’ssh. F’tagh nah’hat! I’mmathan! Sha’lub nahab! Sha’lub nahab!”
Way to prove the value of studying Latin, Noah!