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  • Doily Allergen

Goth Student Totally Fine In Heat Wave

goth student at university of iowa

Despite being surrounded by hordes of sweaty young adults and academics, UI student Laura Ryans is reportedly doing well in her outfits of choice, covering herself in excessive amounts of black cloth, leather, and metallic studs.

“What heat wave? I can’t feel a thing,” Ryans said when asked about her secrets for dealing with the climate change fueled temperature rise that has struck Iowa City just a week before the Autumnal Equinox. “Honestly, I think you guys just like to complain. I haven’t dropped a bead of sweat in years.”

Those close to Ryans have expressed concern for her body’s ability to maintain a proper temperature while wearing these all-black outfits on days with a heat index of over 90 degrees, however.

“When was the last time I saw her in anything other than black jeans and a matching turtleneck? I mean, Christ, she even wore that on the Fourth of July,” her father remarked.

Shortly after the conclusion of the interview, Ryans went and stretched out on the Pentacrest lawn. It was unclear if she was simply relaxing between lectures, or if she was suffering from heat stroke.


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