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  • Ev Walters

HAWK ALERT: I Just Took a Gender-Affirming Shit

gender-affirming shit

It was midmorning. Another busy day of class after class. Morale was low and abdominal pain was high. My breakfast latte churned impatiently, wanting freedom from my bowels as much as I wanted freedom from the 8 AMs I stupidly took to “get my day over with earlier”. Since I am a being of reason, I knew my stomach’s contents wouldn’t be easily sated. There was one thing I had to do, and I had to do it fast.

I rushed from my literature class down the hall, searching for a place where I could finally be free of this agony, when at last, it found me. The EPB’s ever-elusive gender-inclusive, single-user restroom. I noticed the vacancy marker on the door and grew ecstatic. It was a place where I would not only be free from the prying ears of others, but also, most importantly, from the societal expectations of Gender (which is bad). This was it. This was my refuge. My respite. My safe haven from the irritable demons that plagued my gastrointestinal tract. Tears welled in my eyes as I flung open the door and went to take my place on the porcelain throne.

As my ass released the source of my pain, I felt relief sweep over me completely, carrying with it a sense of empowerment. This wasn’t just any old shit – oh no – but a shit so powerful in a location so gender-inclusive, that it reignited a sense of confidence in myself that I thought I had lost a long time ago. As a person of Gender (good this time), it isn’t often I see representation for myself normalized. The flush of the toilet was the sound of triumph; of victory over digestive AND societal woes. I was ready to take on the world once more…or at the very least my Global Geography course at noon.

Obviously, I don’t want to be the only one that gets to partake in this wonderful feeling. I want to encourage everyone in need of taking a shit––Gendered or otherwise––to find the nearest gender-inclusive single-user restroom near them and absolutely blow it up. Maybe even take some laxatives if they must. Not only for their physical needs, but also for that sweet, sweet gender affirmation.


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