Helicopter Flies Into Hillcrest for the Third Time This Week

Yes, it is Monday

Ever since the university has decided to comply with the executive order to eliminate any DEI from their budget, West-side residents have been bombarded by medical helicopters crashing into their dorms.

“It was fine when Biden was president and the train kept derailing,” An anonymous student commented. “But I’ve lost all my belongings. I have to live at the library. What if they hit the library next?!”

Some students have dubbed this recurring incident as “Mandated 9/11s,” but seeing as the helicopters have yet to hit Petersen or Reinow, Doily will refuse to use the term in any official capacity.